A Man Is Caught Pleasuring Himself In A Public Park . . . While Holding An Armless Mannequin

 Today's Idiot Criminal of the Day possesses a RARE combination of fetishes.  From what we can tell he's got an exhibition fetish . . . a mannequin fetish . . . and quite possibly, an AMPUTEE FETISH too.

--On Sunday morning, the police got a call about a man furiously molesting himself in the middle of a public park in Malden, West Virginia.  He was in plain view of passing motorists, a residential area, and a church.

--And when they got there, it was even WORSE than they thought.

--61-year-old Eddie M. Campbell of Belle, West Virginia, was sitting on a bench . . . his shirt was off . . . his pants were around his ankles . . . he was having his way with himself . . . and had an ARMLESS MANNEQUIN on his lap.

--He was holding the mannequin with one arm and his junk with the other.  When the officer identified himself, Eddie threw the mannequin off and said he was, quote, "just trying to have a little fun."

--The Kanawha County Sheriff's Office is trying to have fun with this too:  They wrote in a press release, quote, "We have yet to interview the mannequin, so [we] are unsure if it was picked up off the street or the two met for a date in the park."

--Eddie has been charged with indecent exposure. 

(Charleston Gazette)

Check out the new trailer for Jackass 3D. You can see the whole deal on October 15th!

And Now, The Story Of A Pregnant Woman Who Drank 12 Beers And Tried To Rob A Fast Food Restaurant With A Hammer

38-year-old Julie Bailey of La Crosse, Wisconsin, is two months pregnant.  On Tuesday, she did what any pregnant woman should be doing:  She got HAMMERED and tried to rob a fast foot joint with . . . wait for it . . . a HAMMER.

--Around 10:40 P.M., Julie barged into a Taco John's.  The cashier described her to police as, quote, "a heavy-set woman wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts" . . . plus pink and white slippers.

--She walked up to the cashier and told him, quote, "I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup.  Give me all your money."

--Then she tried to pull out a hammer, which she'd jammed in the elastic waistband of her floral shorts.  But it got tangled in a jumble of fabric, elastic, pregnant belly, and general chubbiness . . . and she couldn't get it out.

--So the cashier didn't give her the money OR the soft-shelled taco . . . he hit a panic button by the register and called 911.

--Julie tried to run but the police easily caught up with her.  She was arrested and charged with attempted armed robbery and obstructing officers.

--She told the police she'd put down a full 12-pack of beer that night.  She blew a .219 during a breathalyzer test. 

Best Road Rage Incident Ever? A Woman Was So Mad At Another Driver That She Jumped On His Car To Flash Her Breasts

 Now THIS is the kind of road rage I can get behind . . . SO much better than punching somebody out or smashing into another driver.

--On Tuesday afternoon, in St. Petersburg, Florida, a 30-year-old woman . . . whose name hasn't been released . . . had a serious bout of road rage.

--We don't know what the other driver did to her, but she was FURIOUS.

--So she got out of her car . . . jumped onto the hood of the other driver's car . . . and started lifting up her shirt to FLASH HER BREASTS at him.

--When the police got there, the woman tried to run . . . breasts still fully exposed and swinging in the fine Florida breeze . . . but they were able to catch up with her and arrest her.

--There's no word on what she'll be charged with.  And even worse, somehow in this day and age, no one has any photos or video of the incident. 

(Bay News 9 / WFLA) 

Cell Phones Carry 18 Times More Bacteria Than The Toilet Handle In A Men's Public Restroom

 There's no area that SEEMS more contaminated with germs than a men's public restroom.  Between the homeless people, guys with bad aim, and glorious anonymous male-on-male erotic love, just setting foot in a men's bathroom makes me want to shower.

--So this is pretty mind-blowing:  According to a study out of England, your cell phone has almost 18 TIMES more living bacteria on it than the toilet handle in a men's public restroom.  Seriously.

--Cell phones are perfect spots for bacteria to thrive:  We touch them constantly without washing our hands . . . keep them stored in warm places like pockets and purses . . . and rarely ever clean them.

--In the study, researchers swabbed 30 cell phones and found that about one out of four had bacteria levels that were high enough to give a person stomach problems.

--The website Ranker.com recently put together a list of the 10 dirtiest things you touch every day.  And cell phones came in fourth, behind money, light switches, and computer keyboards.

--The rest of the top 10 are toilet seats, shopping carts, remote controls, bathtubs, kitchen sinks, and sponges.

(Fox 29 - Philadelphia / Ranker)

Help Set The Record For The Biggest Skinny Dip Ever This Weekend

This weekend, you can participate in setting a world record . . . AND get to stare at some low-hangin' breasts in the process. The American Association For Nude Recreation wants YOUR help in breaking the record for the biggest skinny dip ever.

--Last year, they had 13,648 people all across North America skinny dip at the same time. This year, they think they can beat that. On Saturday at 3:00 P.M. Eastern, they want people to skinny dip simultaneously at sanctioned locations around the continent.

--If you're intrigued, check out the full list of locations at http://www.aanr.com/skinny-dip.html. It looks like no one should be more than a few hours of driving away from one of them.

(AANR)

A Dutch Porno Star Offers To "Perform" On All Of Her Twitter Followers If The Netherlands Wins The World Cup

 Well, this is one way to get your Twitter numbers up.

--Bobbi Eden is a porno skank in the Netherlands.  Her website says she's the "number one Dutch porn star."  But we're not exactly sure which metric she's using to gauge that, or if any committee has independently audited that claim.

--Anyway, Bobbi is so excited about the Dutch team's performance in the World Cup that she's willing to put her money where her mouth is.  So to speak.

(--CAREFUL!!!)  Bobbi tweeted, quote, "If [the Netherlands] wins the World Cup, I will give BJs to all my followers."  (--I'm not sure what blackjack has to do with anything.  I mean, what about those of us who don't even like playing cards???)

--She wrote that BEFORE the Netherlands won their semifinal game yesterday morning, 3-to-2 over Uruguay.  So now they'll play in the championship on Sunday.

--At the time, she had under 5,000 Twitter followers.  As of last night, @BobbiEden had over 17,000 followers.  (--Hope she's clearing off her calendar.  Although it's not clear if new followers get in on the deal or not.)

--She's also going to be joined by three other porno stars who've agreed to help carry the load . . . their names are Vicky Vette, Miss Hybrid and Gabby Quinteros. 

(Guyism) 

There's A New Anti-Rape Device With Razor-Sharp Barbs That Clamp Onto A Rapist's Dong

In general, I'm against all products whose sole purpose is to THRASH a man's genitals.  But I'm making an exception for this little stroke of genius . . .

--It's called the Rape-aXe, and it's an ANTI-RAPE device that has rows of razor-sharp barbs, which clamp onto a rapist's junk. 

  Or think of it like this . . . basically, the Rape-aXe is a flexible latex sheath.  It's kind of like a condom only thicker, and it fits inside a woman's most intimate of areas like a tampon. 

--The idea is that when a man goes to rape a woman, the barbs will hook onto his junk.   And even when he pulls out, the Rape-aXe will stay attached to his genitals. 

--It's extremely painful, it makes it impossible to take a leak, and in order to remove the Rape-aXe without tearing up their junk, rapists will have to go to the hospital . . . where they'll then be ID'd as a sex offender and arrested.

--A woman named Sonnet Ehlers invented the Rape-aXe after working with rape victims in South Africa.

--She says the Rape-aXe isn't available to the public yet.  But she's going to pass out 30,000 of the devices for free before this summer's World Cup in South Africa.  After that, they'll go on sale for less than $2 apiece.  (Global Post)

(--Check out a somewhat graphic computer-animated demo on how it works . . .)

There's A New Drug To Help Guys Who "Finish" Too Soon

 Last week, a study in the "Journal of Sexual Medicine" revealed that premature ejaculation might be GENETIC, and not because you're undisciplined or overeager.  And now that you know it's not all your fault . . . here's a drug to help you.  Classic. 

 
--The new drug is called Priligy, and it hits the market today in the U.K.  That makes it the world's first drug specifically designed to help guys who "finish" too soon.

 --According to the makers, it increases the amount of serotonin in the brain, which helps a man have more control over his moment of release.  If you pop a Priligy one to three hours before getting-it-on, you can last three times longer.

--But it's not cheap:  Each pill costs $42 and you need a prescription.  But it actually WORKS . . . unlike the cheap desensitizing creams and sprays they sell in sex shops, or thinking unsexy thoughts, which only works in movies.

--Priligy is already on sale in several other European countries, including Finland, Sweden, Austria, Portugal, and Germany.  But here in the U.S. . . . well, we may not see it for a while.

--The Food and Drug Administration has already rejected it once because of a major side effect.  By quickly raising your serotonin levels it acts as a brief anti-depressant . . . which can be bad for your body and mind in short bursts. 

(News.com.au)

The New Miss USA Won A Pole Dancing Competition In 2007

Over the weekend, 24-year-old Rima Fakih of Michigan was crowned the new Miss USA.  She's from a Lebanese Muslim family, and she's the first Arab-American to win the pageant.

--Now it's come out that in 2007, Rima won a pole dancing contest hosted by a Detroit radio show called Mojo in the Morning.  And like any good "scandal," there are some mildly titillating photos to back it up.

--According to a radio show spokesman, quote, "Rima was one of the girls that won most of the contests that day.  We do a pole dancing contest, lap dance contest and booty popping contest.

--"She won a personal stripping pole for your house, and we had an adult company that gave away all kinds of toys and dirty things that make me blush."

--It's unclear how, or even IF, this will affect Rima's title.  But a so-called "source" says pageant officials are looking into the matter. 

(Detroit Free Press / Radar Online)

Want To Know What A Guy's Dong Says About His Personality?

A man's genitals aren't just another part of his body.  They're an extension of who he is.  And whether he's well-endowed . . . or not so much . . . it can have a serious impact on his entire life.

--With that in mind, here's a rundown explaining what a guy's privates say about his personality, according to a website called TheFrisky.com.

--Small junk:  Guys with small genitals are more likely to excel at every other aspect of life, because they're motivated to make up for what they lack "down there." 

--They strive to be successful in their careers, and to be better lovers . . . at least in terms of the skills they've learned.  The point is, in spite of their shortcomings . . . or because of them, rather . . . they aim to please.  

--Massive junk:  On the other hand, guys who have something to be proud of in their pants don't aim to please as much, because they just don't have to. 

--They're less motivated to be successful at work, and are more likely to lie back and let the woman do all the work in bed.  After all, he's doing HER a favor, right?

--"Average" junk:  This one's a toss-up.  You can never really tell what you're going to get with an average-sized guy.  I hope that helps.  (???)

--Girth but no length:  These guys tend to be pushy and aggressive, because they've only got part of the package.  They have big personalities, and will probably tell you ahead of time what to expect out of sex with them.

--Oddly-shaped junk:  Just like their genitals, guys with unusual or bizarre-looking members tend to be eccentrics.  They're also more likely to be complete freaks between the sheets.  Do with that information what you will. 

(Frisky)

FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR BOYFRIEND:

Ladies, there are some things you just can't say to guys. Here's a list of five things a woman should NEVER say to her boyfriend . . .

#1.) "DO YOU THINK SHE'S PRETTY?" Guys HATE this one, because it's a trick question. They can't say "yes." But you almost always point out the hottest girl in the room, so if he says "no," it's obvious he's lying.

--Don't ask if he thinks other girls are attractive, because you'll never get a straight answer. He's a guy . . . his honest answer will almost always be "YES."

#2.) "MY FRIEND IS PREGNANT, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE." Guys aren't into gossip in the first place, and they don't want to hear anything that could get them into trouble.

--And remember, if he DOES tell someone, your friend won't be mad at HIM, she'll be mad at YOU.

#3.) "I'LL TRY ANTHING ONCE." Don't get a guy's hopes up unless you REALLY mean it, especially when it comes to the bedroom.

--He's probably watched too much porno, and has things in mind that you've never even heard of. So don't write a check your BUTT can't cash . . . if you know what I mean.

#4.) "I CAN'T STAND YOUR MOTHER." Even if HE says it, keep your real feelings to yourself. He probably already knows you don't get along anyway.

--The same rule applies for his friends, his siblings, his dad . . . even his dog. But guys are usually the MOST sensitive about Mom.

#5.) "I JUST FARTED." Unless you have a VERY special relationship, just pretend it wasn't you, and he will too.

(Excelle.com)

THERE'S A NEW WEBSITE WHERE GUYS CAN PAY HOT CHICKS TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES WITH THEM:

If you're a video game dork who's clueless with the ladies, I have some great news for you. A new website launched yesterday, and it allows lonely losers like yourself to play video games with HOT CHICKS.

--It's called GameCrush.com, and it falls somewhere between an online gaming site and an Internet ESCORT SERVICE. Here's how it works . . .

--After signing up for the site, users can pick between "Play Dates" that are either "flirty" or "dirty." It costs $6 to play a simple Flash game for ten minutes with an attractive girl over webcam.

--And for $8.25, users can get in on some Xbox Live multiplayer gaming action, choosing between one of four games: "Halo 3", "Grand Theft Auto 4", "Modern Warfare 2" or "Gears of War 2".

--So far, 1,200 "Play Dates" have registered on Game Crush. The site's operators say 60% of profits go directly to the video game escorts, and once the game is over, users can rate their "Play Date" in terms of hotness, gaming skill, and flirtiness.

--The website's at: http://www.gamecrush.com/. It's been having some issues loading, but that's probably because of all the dorks who are swarming it as we speak.

(Kotaku)

A Guy Shot Himself In The Head Playing Russian Roulette During A Wedding Toast . . . And There's Video

I've only given one WEDDING TOAST in my life, and it was a complete disaster.  But I'm feeling a whole lot better about it after hearing THIS . . .

--Recently, a group of unidentified men got up to give a toast at a wedding reception in Astrakhan, Russia (--in the southern part of the country).  And what better way to give a Russian wedding toast than with a little on-camera Russian roulette?

--After they walked up to the head table, the first guy pulled out a GUN and pointed it at his head.  The wedding MC was standing next to him, and grabbed his arm to prevent him from doing something stupid.

--But the guy put the barrel of the gun to his temple anyway, uncocked it with his thumb to make a loud clicking sound, and made it seem like he pulled the trigger. 

--We can only assume he was trying to illustrate the point that getting married is a little like playing Russian roulette.

--Anyway, the gun didn't go off because the guy? didn't even pull the trigger.  And according to him, it wasn't loaded.  Or so he thought.

--Because then he handed the gun to the second guy in the group, and that guy DID pull the trigger.  This time, the gun WENT OFF, and fired a rubber bullet into the guy's skull.  (!!!)

  
He was rushed to the hospital, and is expected to survive.  But his doctors say he's suffered serious brain damage, and it's unlikely he'll ever walk again.

--Meanwhile, the first guy was arrested because the gun belonged to him.  He says, quote, "I wanted to perform my party trick.  I expected lots of applause after I did it, and never guessed someone would repeat it."  (mX)

WARNING!!! THIS VIDEO IS GRAPHIC

IT'S *NOT* POSSIBLE TO BECOME ADDICTED TO YOUR SEX TOYS:

Ladies . . . I've got some good news to report this morning.

--According to a gynecologist from New York City who goes by the name Dr. Kate, it's NOT possible to become addicted to your SEX TOYS.

--Not only that, but you can molest yourself from sun-up to sun-down, and your sex toys won't cause any damage to your most intimate of areas.

--By that I mean you won't lose sensitivity, and you won't develop any calluses on your lady parts as a result of using your naughty novelty devices too frequently.

--The only possible concern is that since your sexy stimulator is so effective, you might find yourself getting bored or annoyed with your partner, since he won't be able to keep up with the sheer number of climaxes you're used to experiencing.

--But other than that, you're good to go.

(Em & Lo)

A MAN IN OREGON WANTS YOU TO KNOW YOU *DO* HAVE THE RIGHT TO FLIP OFF A COP:

46-year-old Robert Ekas lives just outside Portland, Oregon, and he desperately wants you to exercise your First Amendment right to FLIP OFF COPS. No, really. Here's why . . .

--In 2007, Robert was driving down the road when he noticed a police officer in his rearview mirror. So he stuck his hand out the sunroof, and gave the cop the middle finger.

--At which point the officer pulled Robert over and cited him for making an illegal lane change, and for improper display of his license plates. Eventually, Robert was acquitted of the charges, but his run-ins with the police didn't end there.

--The next month, Robert flipped off another cop. And this time, he WASN’T issued a citation. But he WAS detained and, as he puts it, harassed and intimidated by two county police officers.

--Anyway, now Robert has taken things a step further by filing a lawsuit against the Clackamas County Sheriff's Office. He's seeking unspecified damages, and punishment for the officers who he claims violated his rights.

--Robert says, quote, "What I am expressing is the right to dissent . . . I did it because I have the right to do it. We all have that right, and we all need to test it. Otherwise we'll lose it." 


--You actually ARE allowed under the First Amendment to give a cop the bird. And last year, a guy in Pittsburgh was awarded $50,000 after he was wrongly charged with disorderly conduct for flipping off a cop. 

(Oregonian)

FIVE THINGS THAT RUIN YOUR CHANCES IN A JOB INTERVIEW:

An article in "Cosmopolitan" says employers decide whether or not to hire you in the first fifteen minutes of your interview. So according to the Society for Human Resource Management, here are five things you shouldn't do in your next interview.

#1.) DON'T SAY IT'S YOUR "DREAM JOB." Even if you mean it, 69% of employers will think you don't really mean it. And as a general rule, stay away from clichés like "I'm a team player" and "I can hit the ground running."

#2.) DON'T ASK ABOUT VACATION DAYS. 70% of bosses hate it. At least wait until they make you an offer. If it's not high enough, and they can't go any higher, it's okay to ask for more vacation time. But not during your first interview.

#3.) DON'T TALK ABOUT SALARY. Only 15% of employers think the interview is a good time to talk about money. So don't talk about it unless they bring it up.

#4.) DON'T TRASH TALK YOUR OLD BOSS. You don't gain anything by doing it because it won't make your BOSS look bad, it'll make YOU look bad. And 95% of employers agree.

#5.) DON'T PRETEND TO BE BEST FRIENDS. It's good to be relaxed, and if you don't connect with the interviewer on some level, you won't get the job. But don't go overboard.

--Don't use slang, don't get too relaxed with your posture, and don't be too casual with your greeting. 83% of employers hate it when people pretend to be their best friend.

(Cosmopolitan.com)

Check Out A Video Of UFC Star Chuck Liddell And His Girlfriend Working Out . . . Completely Nude

A video popped up online over the weekend featuring UFC star CHUCK LIDDELL and his girlfriend, HEIDI NORTHCOTT, working out . . . TOTALLY NUDE.

--Unfortunately, all the naughty bits on both of them are blurred out . . . which led a lot of people to believe this wasn't a leaked video, but some kind of publicity stunt.  They were right.

--Turns out this is a "viral" marketing campaign for Reebok . . . which Chuck has an endorsement deal with. 

(--Check out the video here . . .)

APPLE GOT RID OF THOUSANDS OF "OVERTLY SEXUAL" APPS FROM THE IPHONE STORE:

If you love your 'smart-phone' because it's an efficient way to view smut, I have some bad news for you.

--Apple is trying to clean up their online App Store by declaring war on ''overtly sexual'' applications. More than 5,000 have been removed from the store for inappropriate content.

--While the ''Sports Illustrated'' swimsuit challenge app survived the cut, a similar app from a smaller developer called Simply Beach was purged.

--And tragically, the WOBBLE BOOBS app also got axed. That's the tiny piece of digital heaven that showed a bikini model and allowed you to make her chest ''wobble'' by shaking the phone.

(Daily Mail)

A WOMAN IN MARYLAND KILLED TWO OF HER THREE ADOPTED DAUGHTERS AND KEPT THEIR BODIES IN A FREEZER:

Now it's time to recognize our Monstrous Mother of the Day, 44-year-old Renee Bowman of Rockville, Maryland (--about 20 miles northwest of Washington, D.C.).

--On Monday, Bowman was found guilty of three counts of first-degree child abuse, and two counts of first-degree murder for beating, and eventually KILLING, two of her three adopted daughters. (!!!)

--Apparently, Bowman kept the girls locked in a room, and would regularly beat them with baseball bats, and even choke them until they lost consciousness.

--And it's not exactly clear when or how long ago it happened, but at some point she smothered the two older girls, stuffed their bodies in a freezer, and continued to collect "special-needs" subsidies from the government.

--Fortunately, the youngest girl . . . who's now 9-years-old . . . managed to escape by jumping out a window and running to the police.

--Bowman will be sentenced next month. Prosecutors say they'll ask for life in prison without parole.

(Yahoo News)

13% OF PEOPLE HAVE BROKEN UP WITH SOMEONE BY CHANGING THEIR RELATIONSHIP STATUS ON FACEBOOK TO "SINGLE":

Have you heard the term 'DIGITAL DUMPING'? That's what it's called when you break up with someone over email or a social networking website.

--It sounds like a cold thing to do to someone. And maybe it is. But according to a new survey by a dating service called DateTheUK.com, it's actually pretty common. Check it out:

--34% of people admit they've ended a relationship by sending an email.

--13% have broken up by changing their relationship status on Facebook to "single."

--6% have ended a relationship by breaking the news on Twitter.

--And 2% admit they've ended a relationship by sending a text message.

--According to a spokesman for Date The UK, quote, "Digital Dumping will soon take over when it comes to ending a relationship. It's often easier, quicker and avoids any misunderstandings."

(--Right, because changing your relationship status to "single" on Facebook is much more direct than actually sitting down with the person you've been dating and explaining to them why the relationship needs to end.) (???)

(Yahoo News)

There's A Tow Truck Company In St. Louis Called "Camel Towing"

 It's hard to define "genius."  But it's sort of like pornography:  you know it when you see it.  And THIS might just be both . . .

45-year-old Mike Christopher just opened a new tow truck company in St. Louis.  He was trying to think of the right thing to call it, and he finally settled on the perfect name:  Camel Towing.

--I'll say that again.  Mike's business is called Camel Towing.  As in camel toe-ing.  You get the picture.

(Riverfront Times)

(And take a look at their classy website here . . .)

http://cameltowing2.homestead.com/CamelTowing1.html

(--Check out some photos of camel toes and Camel Towing here.)

A WOMAN IS SUING A HOSPITAL FOR $30,000 FOR ACCIDENTALLY GIVING HER THE WRONG BABY TO BREASTFEED:

Two years ago, 33-year-old Jennifer Spiegel gave birth to a healthy baby boy at the Evanston Hospital in Evanston, Illinois (--just a few miles north of Chicago).

--Now, she's suing the hospital for at least $30,000 because a nurse accidentally handed her the wrong baby to BREASTFEED, which Jennifer says left her with a, quote, "awful internal feeling." (???)

(Chicago Sun-Times)

A HOT "PLAYBOY" MODEL WAS FOUND GUILTY OF ASSAULT FOR SLAMMING SOME BROAD'S HEAD AGAINST A TOILET:

27-year-old Louise Glover is a hot British chick who was named "Playboy Special Editions" Model of the Year in 2006.

--In 2007, Louise got into a CAT FIGHT with some broad named Maxine Hardcastle.  And yesterday, Louise was found guilty of assault for slamming Maxine's head against the rim of a toilet ten times. 

(Daily Telegraph)
 

A TSA AGENT FORCED A DISABLED KID TO TAKE OFF HIS LEG BRACES AND WALK THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR ON HIS OWN:

Last March, a 53-year-old cop named Bob Thomas took a trip to Disney World with his wife, Leona, and their disabled son, Ryan, to celebrate Ryan's fourth birthday.

--At the airport in Philadelphia, Ryan's LEG BRACES set off the metal detector, and a TSA agent refused to let him through security until he took the braces off and walked through the metal detector on his own.  (???) 

(Philadelphia Inquirer)

 

A GUY IS SUING OKLAHOMA BECAUSE THEY WON'T LET HIM GET A LICENSE PLATE READING "IM GAY":

28-year-old Keith Kimmel is a proud homosexual from Norman, Oklahoma
(--about 20 miles south of Oklahoma City).

--In fact, Keith is so proud of his sexual orientation that he requested a vanity plate from the Oklahoma DMV that reads, quote, "IM GAY."  But the DMV denied Keith's request.

--They say the plate, quote, "may be offensive to the general public."  (???)

--So now Keith is suing the state of Oklahoma for the right to proclaim his sexual attraction to men on his license plate. 

(KOCO News 5 - Oklahoma City)
 

A GUY WITH TOURETTE'S IS SUING STARBUCKS FOR KICKING HIM OUT AFTER AN "EPISODE":

Last month, a guy named Robert Friedman was kicked out of Starbucks in Boca Raton, Florida (--in the eastern part of the state, about 50 miles north of Miami).

--It seems he was uttering obscenities, banging on walls, and generally making a scene.  But Robert didn't do it because he's a jerk.  He did it because he has TOURETTE'S SYNDROME.  (!!!)

--Now Robert's suing Starbucks for discrimination.  

--According to a statement from Starbucks, quote, "We disagree with Mr. Friedman's view of what happened in the store, and believe our partners acted appropriately by asking a disruptive customer to leave.

--"While we would have preferred to handle this directly with Mr. Friedman and his attorney, we are confident in our case.  We are committed to treating all of our customers with dignity and respect."

(Palm Beach Post / WKMG News 6 - Orlando)
 

FIVE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS THAT SAY "I HATE YOU":

When you're single, the thought of Valentine's Day makes you sick. So here are five Valentine's Day gifts to give to the last person who dumped you . . .

#1.) BITTERSWEETS. They're just like those little heart-shaped candies, but instead of saying things like "Kiss Me," "Love You," or "Be Mine," they say things like "Mutual Disgust," "Booty Too Big," and "Return My CD's."

#2.) "SEX FOR DUMMIES." Yep, they actually have a book called "Sex For Dummies." Send it to that ex you hate, and include a note that says you hope they have more success in their future relationships.

#3.) "LOVE STINKS" SOAP. It's a big, pink, heart-shaped bar of soap with the words "Love Stinks" carved right into the front of it. It sends the message that your relationship was awful . . . but it also implies that the other person literally STINKS.

#4.) A DOORMAT. Just think of the underlying implication. It's the perfect way to say, "You don't get to treat ME like a doormat anymore."

#5.) THE BOYFRIEND PILLOW. It's like a regular pillow, but with an arm sticking out the side that wraps around you. It's basically like saying, "I'm glad we're not sleeping together anymore. Here's a memory-foam version of me so you don't get lonely."

(Holidash.com)

A GIRL WITH NO VAGINA GOT PREGNANT BY GIVING *ORAL* FAVORS:

Just so you know, we can't be certain this next story is even true . . . because it sounds like TOTAL NONSENSE. But there was a write-up about it in "Discover" magazine, so we figured we'd pass it along.

--In 1988, the "British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology" reported a case study involving a 15-year-old British girl who got pregnant by giving ORAL FAVORS. (???)

--As the story goes, the girl was fellating her boyfriend when her ex caught them in the act and pulled out a knife. A fight ensued and the girl ended up getting stabbed in the abdomen, which tore two holes in her stomach. 

--She was rushed to the hospital where she was treated and released. But it doesn't end there . . .

--About nine months later, the girl returned to the hospital complaining of abdominal pain. And after running some tests, it became clear she was PREGNANT. Which came as a total surprise to the girl SINCE SHE HAD NO VAGINA. (!!!) 

--That's right. No vagina. There was just a, quote, "shallow skin dimple" where her lady bits were supposed to go, but that's it.

--According to the doctors, the only plausible explanation was that when the girl was stabbed, the hole in her stomach allowed some of her boyfriend's man-juice to seep into her reproductive organs, which fertilized her egg. 

(Boing Boing / Science Blogs)
 

TEXT MESSAGES ARE THE BIGGEST RIP-OFF ON THE MARKET:

Recently, the finance gurus over at CNN put their heads together and compiled a list of the nine biggest RIP-OFFS in America. Check it out:

#1.) Text messages: They're basically free to send and receive. Meaning it doesn't cost the phone company anything to handle them. But on pay-per-text plans, phone companies will charge as much as 20 cents apiece. That's a 6,500% markup.

#2.) Hotel mini-bars: At an average hotel, mini-bar items typically cost three to four times the retail price. And at "fancy" hotels, it's not uncommon to markup mini-bar items by as much as 1,300%.

#3.) Movie theater popcorn: A medium bag of popcorn costs about 60 cents to make, and it sells for about $6. That's a 900% markup.

#4.) Wine at restaurants: Most restaurants double the price of their more expensive bottles, and triple the price of their cheaper ones. And if you just buy a glass instead of a bottle, you're going to pay a 500% markup.

#5.) Hotel in-room movies: A movie rental at Blockbuster will run you about $5. But in a hotel, you'll pay anywhere from $10 to $15. That's a 200% markup.

#6.) Name-brand painkillers: A bottle of Advil costs $8.49, while a bottle of the generic stuff goes for $5.29. That's a 60% markup, even though the no-name stuff works just as well.

#7.) Super gasoline: Typically, you're going to pay about 20 cents to 40 cents more for premium gas than the regular stuff. At $2.72 a gallon for regular gas, that translates to a markup of 15%. 

#8.) College textbooks: Since 1986, the cost of textbooks has increased at double the rate of inflation. Now, an average college student will shell out around $900 a year for textbooks.

#9.) "Free" credit reports: We've all seen those god-awful ads from FreeCreditReport.com. The only problem is their service isn't actually free. It costs $14.99 a month, or $179 a year. 

(CNN Money)



 

CHECK OUT SOME OCTOMOM

BIKINI PICS:   
 
 

Say what you want about the Octomom, NADYA SULEMAN . . . but it's getting hard to deny that she looks pretty darn good.  Especially for a woman who's had 14 buns in her oven . . . including EIGHT AT ONCE. 
 

THERE'S A SPECIAL DYE WOMEN CAN USE TO TURN THEIR GENITALS PINK:

Ladies . . . have your genitals gone from a vibrant shade of pink to something a little duller and less youthful? If so, I've got just the thing for you . . .

--It's called My New Pink Button, and it bills itself as a DYE for your most intimate of areas. That's right . . . it's a private dye. (--HI-YO!!!)

--Since I know you're curious, My New Pink Button comes in four different shades ranging from light pink to burgundy. And there's even a separate shade developed for, quote, "women of color."

--And according to the product website, My New Pink Button isn't just for use on a woman's roast beef curtains. It can also be used on her nipples, and even on a man's genitals.

(Jezebel)

NOW THERE'S SCIENTIFIC PROOF THAT HOT CHICKS ARE A TOTAL PAIN IN THE BUTT:

We all know someone who's dated a girl so smoking-hot, that everyone overlooked how mean she was. And now, a "groundbreaking" new study has found that the reason girls like that are so mean . . . is because they're so good-looking. (???)

--Researchers at the University of California at Berkeley interviewed 156 women to gauge their temperament and how they handle conflict.

--What they found is that when a woman THINKS she's good-looking:

#1.) She's more likely to respond with anger than a woman who thinks she's less attractive. And . . .

#2.) She has higher expectations of what she deserves.

--In other words: The hotter the woman, the bigger the headache. And get this . . .

--The study also found a similar link with MEN, but it had more to do with their physical strength than their looks.

(BBC News)

THE AVERAGE GUY HAS HAD FIVE SEX PARTNERS . . . AND THE AVERAGE WOMAN HAS HAD THREE:

Every year, the U.S. Census Bureau publishes a report called the Statistical Abstract of the United States. The idea is to take a statistical "snapshot" of the average American's life . . . including their SEX LIFE.

--According to the survey, the average American man between the ages of 15 and 44 has had sex with 5.4 partners, while the average American woman has only had sex with 3.3 partners.

--Overall, nearly 23% of men have had 15 or more partners, while just 9% of women have had 15 or more partners.

--That's a pretty serious discrepancy between men and women. So how do we explain it? I think there are three possibilities:

#1.) Either the most promiscuous women are so loose that they're single-handedly responsible for the difference. Or . . .

#2.) Gay men are so promiscuous that they're single-handedly responsible for the difference. Or most likely . . .

#3.) The average man is over-reporting his sexual experience, while the average woman is under-reporting her sexual experience. Nothing new there.

(Washington Post)

ASHLEY GREENE . . . from the "Twilight" flicks . . . is learning very quickly how to get over in a man's world.   
 
--First, she posed completely nude, but with bikinis PAINTED on her succulent body.  Now, she's showing some NIPPLE in the new issue of "Interview" magazine.

Lately, JESSICA SIMPSON'S breasts haven't been getting the recognition they deserve.  She tried to change that Wednesday night, by going out to dinner with friends wearing a very, shall we say, UPLIFTING ensemble

IS THERE A LINDSAY LOHAN SEX VIDEO OUT THERE???

A video of LINDSAY LOHAN engaging in some adult activity with an unidentified guy could be on its way to the World Wide Web of Celebrity Pornography.

--According to the not-always-reliable British tabloids, the clip is only 47 seconds long, but it's very explicit.

--A so-called "source" says, quote, "This video file is dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors."

(--There's no word what particular sex act we're talking about.)

--Supposedly, the guy who has the clip . . . identified only as, quote, "a waiter with a well-known chain restaurant" . . . tried to sell it to Hustler. But they declined, due to potential copyright issues.

--Now he's thinking about releasing it to some kind of, quote, "offshore porn site" that won't be as worried about little things like laws and morality. (???)

--For the record, Lindsay tells E! Online that this tape DOES NOT EXIST. (--Obviously, we'll keep you posted if anything more develops.)

INTRODUCING THE WORLD'S FIRST SEX ROBOT: 


--On Saturday at an Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, a company called True Companion unveiled Roxxxy, the world's first SEX ROBOT. 

--It sounds crazy . . . and maybe it is . . . but it also seems like a lot of hard work has gone into Roxxxy. By which I mean she's life-size, she has synthetic flesh-like skin, she can speak and move on her own, and she even has a mechanical heart that powers a cooling system. 

--Not only that, but Roxxxy's race, hair color, breast size and personality type can all be customized so she'll look and act just like your ideal sex partner. 

--A guy named Douglas Hines invented Roxxxy. He says, quote, "She can't vacuum, she can't cook, but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean. 

--"She's a companion. She has a personality. She hears you. She listens to you. She speaks. She feels your touch. She goes to sleep. We are trying to replicate a personality of a person." 

--If you're interested in ordering a sex robot, head over to TrueCompanion.com and fill out a form. Depending on what features you want, your own personal Roxxxy will run you somewhere between $7,000 and $9,000. 

--Or, for only $4,000, you can pick up "Bad Girls", a new digital 3-D viewing system. You get a 60-inch 3-D TV, a computer server, and special glasses for viewing high-tech smut. And a subscription to the online library only costs 20 bucks a month! 




(Google News / ABC News / Breitbart)

SOME CRAZY BROAD SPENT MORE THAN $16,000 TO LOOK LIKE JESSICA RABBIT: 

57-year-old Annette Edwards lives in England. For years, she's been obsessed with Jessica Rabbit from the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit". 

--So six months ago, Annette decided it was time to finally live out her dream by spending $16,000 on plastic surgery in order to look more like Jessica Rabbit. (???) 

--Annette says, quote, "Growing up, I'd always been fascinated with the cartoon character Jessica Rabbit. I thought she was stunning and for years I longed to look like my idol . . . I sometimes get stopped in the street, and have had loads of nice compliments." 

--Annette also claims she's been contacted by "Playboy" about doing a photo shoot. If that's true, "Playboy" is in MUCH worse shape than anyone could have possibly imagined. 

(--But don't take my word for it. You can compare photos of Annette, Jessica Rabbit, and JESSICA BIEL dressed as Jessica Rabbit on "Saturday Night Live," here . . .) 

THE AVERAGE GUY THINKS ABOUT SEX 13 TIMES A DAY: 

This study took place in the UK, but we have no reason to think the results would be any different here. 

--According to a new survey, the average man thinks about SEX 13 times a day. That works out to 4,745 times every year. 

--And nearly ONE in THREE guys say sex is the first thing they think about when they wake up in the morning. 

--On the other hand, the average woman's thoughts turn to sex just FIVE times a day . . or 1,825 times a year. But get this . . . 

--Even though we're thinking about sex all the time, the average person only does it twice a week, or 104 times a year. 

--And while nearly THREE in FOUR guys say they're happy with the amount of sex they're having, just 58% of women are satisfied. 

--In other words, it seems guys think about sex more often, but women want to have it more often. (???) 

(Daily Telegraph)

USING SEX TOYS IMPROVES YOUR SEXUAL HEALTH:

If you're still looking for a reason to run out and purchase your first naughty novelty device, allow me to encourage you . . .

--According to two new studies from Indiana University, it's really common to use sexy stimulators. And people who use them regularly tend to have better sexual health.

--Overall, 53% of women admit they own a sexy stimulator. ONE in FOUR have used it within the last month.

--And the study also found that women who use toys are more likely to visit the gynecologist . . . and perform self-exams . . . than women who don't.

--45% of guys admit they've used a naughty novelty device at some point in their life . . . either with a partner or solo. Overall, men who use toys are more likely to perform self-exams on their GONADS than men who don't.

--A guy named Dr. Michael Reece led the study involving the guys. He says that it's, quote, "additionally important because it shows that [sexy stimulator] use is also common among men, something that has not been documented before." 

(Vancouver Sun)

BRITISH RESEARCHERS CLAIM THE G-SPOT DOES *NOT* EXIST:

Ladies . . . I hate to be the one to break this to you, but according to a new study out of Britain's King's College London, the G-spot does not exist.

--They asked more than 1,800 twin sisters whether or not they thought they had a G-spot. Here's the logic . . .

--Basically, the G-spot is thought to be a cluster of nerve endings inside a woman's most intimate of areas. The idea was that if one identical twin said she had a G-spot, then her sister would too, since identical twins share the same DNA.

--But that's not what they found. In fact, according to the study, identical twins are no more likely to have a G-spot than fraternal twins.

--According to the researchers, that's proof that the G-spot is just a figment of our imagination.

--A woman named Andrea Burri led the study. She says the study's finding is a GOOD thing because, quote, "It is rather irresponsible to claim the existence of an entity that has never really been proven and pressurize women, and men, too." (???)

(London Times)

ONE IN FIVE GUYS THINK STANDING UP DURING SEX REDUCES THE CHANCE OF GETTING PREGNANT: 
   
According to the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, about HALF of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned.  Now, that may sound high.  But it isn't terribly surprising when you consider THIS . . . 
  
  --A new survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy has found that 40% of Americans don't think it matters whether they use birth control, because they'll get pregnant when it's, quote, "their time."  (???) 
   
--28% of men think wearing two condoms at once will give them extra protection, which is totally false.  The truth is that the friction caused by the two condoms rubbing together actually INCREASES the chances that one or both will break. 
  
  --Even more boneheaded is that 18% of men think having sex standing up will reduce the chance of unwanted pregnancy. 
  
  --Overall, 29% of women and 42% of men say it's at least "slightly likely" that they'll have unprotected sex in the next three months.  And 17% of women and 19% of men say it's "extremely likely." 
  
  (CNN)

 
IF YOU ASK 20 WOMEN TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, THE ODDS ARE THAT ONE OF THEM WILL SAY YES:

It's only Tuesday, and I'm already looking forward to the weekend. If you are too, here are some figures to consider the next time you're out pounding drinks, and hoping to take home a random bar skank . . .

--According to a recent study, 24% of women say they'd consider having sex with an "exceptionally attractive" guy if he'd just ask them to.

--13% say they'd consider having sex with a "moderately attractive" guy if he asked them to.

--And 5% say they'd consider having sex with a "slightly unattractive" guy if he asked them to.

--That means even if you're "slightly unattractive," you still have a ONE in 20 shot of getting some action on any given night . . . if you just ask. Now, combine that information with THIS . . .

--A new study from Wake Forest University has found that when it comes to judging a man's looks, women are all over the board. Some women will rate a guy extremely attractive, while others will rate him completely unattractive. There's no consistency.

--What I'm getting at is that even if you're a hideous-looking man, there are bound to be women who find you attractive. And if you ask 20 of them to have sex with you, the odds are that one of them will say yes. 

(Men's Health / Science Daily)

IF YOU ASK 20 WOMEN TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU, THE ODDS ARE THAT ONE OF THEM WILL SAY YES:

Harley Davidson decided to honor our troops by dressing MARISA MILLER as a sexy, old-school pinup girl and having her straddle a bike. Yeah, it's for the troops . . . but ultimately, this is a gift for all of us. 

HERE ARE FOUR TIPS TO HELP YOU LAST ALL NIGHT:

#1.) Give it a squeeze: According to "Men's Health", you can keep yourself from finishing by SQUEEZING your junk. That's right . . . squeezing it.

--All you have to do is wait until you're about to explode, then apply pressure with your index finger and thumb under the tip of your unit . . . and it will actually prevent the inevitable from happening. (???)

#2.) Exercise: You know those pelvic muscles you squeeze in order to stop peeing? Well, apparently you can exercise them. And if you contract them between 15 to 75 times a day, it'll give you more control in the bedroom.

#3.) Work on your breathing: There's also a breathing technique you can use to prolong things. Basically, you have to "huff" out breaths while doing the nasty until you feel your diaphragm contracting to expel air.

--The idea is that when you feel like your about to finish, you'll be trained to force out each breath, which results in more tension around the abdomen . . . and a more intense release.

#4.) Put it on ice: No lie . . . "Men's Health" swears that if you wrap ice in a cloth and apply it to your GONADS just before sex, it'll help you last longer. 

(Men's Health)

HERE ARE FIVE MORAL DILEMMAS EVERY MARRIED MAN FACES:

#1.) Getting together with an ex: There's no reason your friendship with an ex should have to end now that you're married. Just don't expect the ball-and-chain to be all that supportive of it.

--More importantly, don't lie to your girl about hanging out with your ex. That will only make things worse. Instead, explain to your wife that you chose HER, and she's the only woman you want to be with. If you're being honest, she should be cool with it.

#2.) Flirting: In and of itself, flirting is mostly harmless. MOSTLY. Just make sure it doesn't lead to anything shady. And try to keep in mind that if you're going to flirt a little, your wife can too.

#3.) Checking out other women: You got married, not castrated. You're free to LOOK at other women all you like. But you have to do it correctly. That means no creepy leers, and no doing it blatantly in front of your wife. That's just disrespectful.

#4.) Telling your wife a friend is cheating: No man wants to violate Guy Code, especially when it could screw over a friend. But if your wife hears the news from anyone but you, she's going to know you were keeping secrets. So what do you do?

--Honestly, you probably should fill your lady in. Let her know that your friend is cheating, not you. She'll appreciate you brought it up. And hopefully, she'll interpret it as proof that you're not THAT GUY.

#5.) Going to strip clubs: This is a tough one. The only purpose of going to a strip club is to ogle T-and-A, and maybe get a private cooter grind. I guarantee the wife will not appreciate that, especially since half the money you'll be spending is hers.

--On the other hand, if you're at a buddy's bachelor party, you have to go to the strip club. There's just no way around it.

(Asylum)

ARE YOU A METROTEXTUAL?

I just heard a new term I want to share with you this morning . . .

--It's "Metrotextual." It means guys who end text messages to their MALE friends with an "x" or an "xx" or an "xo" . . . or some combination of those letters . . . to signify a "kiss."

--Now, before you get all up in arms over this survey, you should know that it took place in England where . . . let's face it . . . everything's just a little gayer.

--But according to the survey, 22% of men admit they regularly include a "kiss" in texts to their male friends. That includes THREE in FOUR guys between the ages of 18 and 24.

--And 23% of 18- to 24-year-olds say they appreciate it when guys they're not close to sign off with a "kiss." And it's not just the young guys who are doing it . . .

--According to the study, ONE in TEN men over the age of 55 admits to ending text messages to their male friends with a "kiss."

(New York Times)

FOUR PHRASES GUYS LIKE TO HEAR WOMEN SAY:

Women want to feel sexy, appreciated, and needed . . . but so do GUYS. Here's what I mean. These are four phrases men like to hear women say . . .

#1.) "THAT WOMAN JUST CHECKED YOU OUT." Women don't always let their guy know when they see other women checking him out. Maybe because they're worried he'll suddenly think he can have ANY woman he wants.

--But guys have issues with self-confidence too. So why not give his a boost? Just make sure the woman's at least SOMEWHAT attractive before you say anything. If you tell him an UGLY chick thinks he's hot, it's not really a compliment.

#2.) "I CAN'T GET THIS OPEN." It doesn't take much to make him feel manly. And helping you with simple tasks reinforces his fantasy of being your knight in shining armor. That doesn't mean you should ask him to do things you can easily do YOURSELF.

#3.) "YOU'RE NOT GOING BALD." One-quarter of men start losing their hair at age 25. And two-thirds are balding by the time they're 60. So even if he IS looking a little thinner up top, downplay it as much as you can.

#4.) "YOU'RE RIGHT." Sometimes he IS right. It's probably not as often as he THINKS, but when he's right about something, let him know. Especially when you're arguing. It makes you look like a reasonable person, and it'll pay off during future fights. 

(YourTango.com)

THERE'S A NEW CALENDAR FEATURING MORMON MILFS:

There's nothing hotter than forbidden fruit. And I think you can make the case that there's nothing more forbidden than a Mormon MILF.

--That's why I just picked up a copy of the 2010 Hot Mormon Muffins calendar, which features real Mormon MILFs in vintage pinup poses. (!!!) 

(AOL News) 

A GUY IN WYOMING WAS BUSTED USING COUNTERFEIT $50 BILLS TO PAY FOR LAP DANCES:

Now it's time to recognize our Idiot Criminal of the Day . . . 50-year-old Rickey Kempter of Cheyenne, Wyoming.

--Earlier this month, Rickey contacted an unidentified dancer at a local strip club and told her he'd pay $800 for a private dance at a nearby hotel.

--Now, it's not entirely clear why, but when they got to the hotel, Rickey asked the taxi driver who drove them there to hold onto his money for him. (???)

--At that point, the cab driver noticed that several of the bills had the exact same serial numbers, and others were UNEVENLY CUT. So the cabbie called his boss, who called the cops, who called the Secret Service. So what happened?

--Apparently, Rickey had printed out about $1,200 in counterfeit FIFTIES on his home computer. But he'd neglected to spring for one of those industrial cutters so they'd all be the same size.

--Long story short, Rickey's been charged with making and possessing counterfeit U.S. currency. If he's convicted, he could get up to 20 years in prison.

(Wyoming Tribune Eagle)

HERE ARE FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY WHILE YOU WERE STILL SINGLE:

Even if you're happily married or in a relationship, you have to admit there are things you'd do differently if you were single again.

--With that in mind, here's a list of five things you should have done differently while you still had the chance, according to a website called TheFrisky.

#1.) End bad relationships sooner: The simple fact is that life's too short to waste time on relationships that aren't going anywhere. Just think of all the nights out with friends and random hookups you missed out on while you were sitting at home with your loser ex.

#2.) Date outside your race: What can I say . . . variety is the spice of life. Too bad you didn't partake when you had the chance.

#3.) Cry less: When you get dumped or you're stuck in a bad relationship, it's tough to think long-term. But the truth is that most of the people who come in and out of your life are NOT worth agonizing over.

#4.) Travel more: You don't have to be in a relationship to plan a great vacation. And having a fling when you're travelling can be a lot of fun. But once you're tied down, you can't do that anymore.

#5.) Trust your gut: This is especially true when you don't like what it's telling you. Like when it tells you to end the fourth lame relationship in a row. You might start to wonder if you'll EVER meet anyone cool. 

(CNN)

IS IT INDECENT EXPOSURE IF SOMEONE SEES YOU NAKED *INSIDE* YOUR OWN HOUSE?

I think we can all agree that you should definitely be arrested if you go around in public exposing your genitals to other people. But what if someone sees you walking around naked INSIDE YOUR OWN HOUSE?

--I ask because on Monday, that's exactly what happened to 29-year-old Eric Williamson of Springfield, Virginia (--about 15 miles southwest of Washington, D.C.).

--Around 5:30 A.M., Eric got out of bed and wandered into the kitchen to make coffee . . . without putting his clothes on. At the exact same time, an unidentified woman and her 7-year-old son walked past Eric's house and SAW him inside walking around in his birthday suit.

--Anyway, it seems the woman thought Eric was purposely exposing himself. So she called the cops, who arrested Eric for indecent exposure.

--Eric says, quote, "Yes, I wasn't wearing any clothes. But I was alone in my own home, and just got out of bed. It was dark and I had no idea anyone was outside looking in at me . . . I would never, ever, ever do anything like that to a kid."

(My Fox - Washington, D.C.)

PAMELA ANDERSON was her usual, slutty self at a fashion show in New Zealand over the weekend. She hit the catwalk wearing little more than a see-through cloth wrap that barely even covered her backside. 



Click here for more pics

HERE ARE SEVEN POLITE MOVES THAT WOMEN DON'T ACTUALLY LIKE:

#1.) ORDERING HER MEAL: This one's just too old-school to survive feminism. It's only cool if there's a dish in another language, and you know how to pronounce it and she doesn't.

#2.) LOSING ON PURPOSE: Whether it's a game of pool out at a bar, or a game of "Scrabble" back at your place, don't lose on purpose. "Letting" someone win is only OK if you're playing a little kid. And your date does NOT want to be treated like a child.

#3.) PULLING OUT HER CHAIR: Helping a woman into her seat can work on special formal occasions, especially if it's an older woman who CAN'T really do it herself. But most of the time, you can let this one go. You'll just mess it up anyway.

#4.) CARRYING HER PURSE: Do I even need to explain this one? That's what I thought.

#5.) ASKING HER DAD FOR HER HAND IN MARRIAGE: This one's REALLY outdated. There aren't too many women in 2009 who want two MEN to give HER the green light on who to marry.

#6.) REFUSING TO LET HER PAY: This applies to the tip. If you're paying for dinner, and she wants to do the tip, or get some drinks . . . agree. If she's offering, take her up on it. She wouldn't offer if she didn't WANT to contribute to the night.

#7.) HELP HER PUT HER COAT ON: This is sort of like helping her sit: A nice gesture on rare, special occasions. But in general, it's just so much easier to do by yourself. And it can be slightly awkward if the person can't find their sleeve.

(The Frisky)

SUSAN SARANDON'S DAUGHTER GETS NUDE IN THE UPCOMING SEASON OF "CALIFORNICATION" . . . AND WE HAVE SOME PREVIEW PICS:

SUSAN SARANDON'S incredibly sexy 24-year-old daughter, EVA AMURRI, will play a STRIPPER in the new season of Showtime's "Californication". And yes, she will indeed GET NAKED. (!!!)

--And we just happen to have some preview pics. 

RIHANNA obviously WANTS us to know she has a nipple ring. Otherwise she wouldn't have worn THIS in public . . .

HERE'S WHAT MEN THINK ABOUT DURING SEX:

#1.) HOW DID I GET HERE? For single guys, this is the moment you realize you're finally about to get laid.

--Part of you can't quite believe it, and part of you is desperately trying to remember for next time: "What did I do in order to get this person to want to have sex with me?"

#2.) I'M OUT OF SHAPE: At the moment of truth, the fact that most of us guys are lazy and out-of-shape can hit home pretty hard. Inevitably, you're wishing you stuck to your New Year's Resolution about doing more crunches.

#3.) DON'T FINISH! Unless you're an expert in tantric sex, there's going to be a difference between how long YOU want to go, and how long SHE does.

--Here's a hint: she wants you to go longer. Most guys are caught between enjoying themselves and thinking, "Just hold on . . ." 

#4.) SOMEONE ELSE: This one goes both ways. Sometimes we HAVE to think of someone else . . . someone repulsive . . . because we don't WANT to finish.

--And sometimes we think about someone else because it turns us on. Sorry, it's true. But women are guilty of this too.

#5.) WHAT SHE LIKES: Guys take mental notes about what is and isn't working. That is, if they're SMART. That way, if there's a next time, they know what's going to get a good reaction, and they know what NOT to do.

#6.) THE IMMEDIATE SURROUNDINGS: Guys can totally lose focus when they're getting-it-on, check out their surroundings, and STILL get off. It's unfair, we know.

--It means we might glance at the TV, or at whatever photos you have propped up too close to the bed.

#7.) BIRTH CONTROL: No matter how into the moment you are, there's still that question: "Are we being safe enough?" Hopefully, you answered this question BEFORE you got naked.

#8.) DO I REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON? Yes, guys ask themselves this question too. They might even think: Does this person like ME? The only difference is, the answer to either question won't ruin the moment one way or the other.

#9.) AM I DOING THIS RIGHT? A lot of guys have lousy rhythm, both on and off the dance floor. And it's never more noticeable than when you get in a bad groove while you're horizontal.

#10.) WILL SHE? Sure, men are selfish in bed. And it's easier for us to "finish." But we're still always thinking about the BIG question during sex: Will SHE finish? Since we all know that question is harder to answer, it can add a lot of pressure.

(Maire Claire)

IT'S YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT TO GIVE THE FINGER TO A COP:

--According to a spokesman for the ACLU, quote, "The law is clear that people have the constitutional right to use profanity, especially when it comes to government officials, because that is a form of political speech.

--"But despite that, we have police officers regularly misapplying the law to punish people who offend them. That's really what it comes down to . 

--"We probably handle a dozen of these cases every year. We're actually negotiating with the state police right now, trying to force them to change their training and written materials to make clear you can't do this."

--In other words, yes, you CAN give the finger to a police officer. You may get cited for disorderly conduct, and you may have to fight it in court. But if you do, you'll WIN.

(Time)

HERE ARE FIVE REASONS WHY GUYS GO FOR CRAZY CHICKS:

--Here are five reasons why guys go for crazy chicks, according to "Glamour" magazine:

#1.) Guys want to be heroes: Men love to "fix" stuff, and they love coming to the aid of a "damsel in distress." Truthfully, they can't help it. It's hardwired into the male DNA.

#2.) Guys figure she's probably crazy in bed, too: Here's how the logic goes: men figure that if a woman is crazy in her day-to-day life, then she's probably an animal in the sack as well. It's not necessarily true, but it's worth the gamble.

#3.) A lot of guys have "mommy" issues: Never underestimate how much a dysfunctional mother can screw up her kids. Never. It creates guys who can't help but WANT to be around crazy broads . . . because it's all they've ever known.

#4.) It makes guys feel better about themselves: When your girlfriend is more screwed up than you are, it makes your own problems seem minor in comparison, and much more manageable.

#5.) Some guys don't want anything serious: If a guy isn't ready for real intimacy and commitment, then it makes sense to date someone who's so balls-crazy that he couldn't POSSIBLY fall for them. 

(Your Tango)

TWO PEOPLE WERE ROBBED AT KNIFEPOINT WHILE HAVING SEX IN A DUMPSTER: (???)

--On Saturday, two unidentified 44-year-olds in Wichita, Kansas, climbed into a DUMPSTER to have SEX.

--That's right. They had sex. In a Dumpster.

--Unfortunately, these romantic love birds were interrupted mid-grind session by two men, a 59-year-old and a 64-year-old, who pulled out a KNIFE and stole their shoes, jewelry, and wallets.

--The cops found the thieves a couple hours later and arrested them, and the Dumpster divers got all their stuff back.

(KCTV News 5 - Kansas City)

A GUY HIRED HIS ROOMMATE TO KIDNAP AND DISFIGURE A GIRL . . . SO SHE'D FALL FOR HIM WHEN HE RESCUED HER: 

About a year and a half ago, 35-year-old Jimmy Dominguez fell hard for 23-year-old Elissa Rodriguez of Aurora, Illinois (--a western suburb of Chicago).

--The problem was that Elissa didn't feel the same way about Jimmy.

--Jimmy did everything he could think of to win Elissa's affections, including paying her rent and bills, and giving her about $100,000 in cash. But nothing seemed to work.

--Finally, last month, Jimmy realized that Elissa was NEVER going to fall for him on her own. So he came up with a scheme to FORCE her to love him. The plan?

--Jimmy hired his unidentified roommate to KIDNAP Elissa. Then the roommate was supposed to repeatedly SLASH Elissa's face with a knife and set her car on FIRE. (!!!)

--The idea was that when Elissa was at her lowest, Jimmy would rush in and save the day by nursing her back to health and buying her a new car. In Jimmy's mind, Elissa would HAVE to fall for him.

--Instead, Jimmy's roommate reported the plan to the police and Jimmy was arrested. He's been charged with conspiracy to commit mayhem, kidnapping and arson.

--If he's convicted, he could get more than 80 YEARS in prison. 

(Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

HERE ARE 15 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT SEX:

#1.) When it comes to MAN-JUNK, width is more important than length. And studies have shown that women are actually more interested in the overall APPEARANCE of a guy's privates . . . than they are in the size.

#2.) Regardless of what they SAY, most women pleasure themselves.

#3.) According to a study from the University of Liverpool, if a man's ring finger is longer than his index finger, it's a sign that he was exposed to more testosterone in the womb. That means he's probably packing something serious in his pants.

#4.) A Dutch study found that when couples leave their SOCKS on during sex, they're 30% more likely to reach a climax.

#5.) Women like it dirty. And by "it", I mean you. At least that's according to a study from the University of California at Berkeley, which found that women are turned on by the scent of man-sweat.

#6.) Everyone lies about the size of their genitals, and how often they're having sex. EVERYONE. 

#7.) When a woman takes matters into her own hands, so to speak, it typically takes her less than FOUR MINUTES to climax. That's compared to roughly 20 minutes when she's with a partner.

#8.) 45% of men say they wish their package was bigger. But 85% of women say they're happy with the size of their guy's manhood.

#9.) A new study from the Newcastle University in England found that women with rich husbands or boyfriends have more orgasms than women with poor or average partners.

#10.) About ONE in THREE women never or rarely climax through P-in-V relations.

#11.) After the age of 30, a man's testosterone level drops by about 1% per year. And with it goes his SEX DRIVE.

#12.) A study by Durham University in England found that 85% of men feel positively about having one-night stands. Only 54% of women do.

#13.) Contrary to popular belief, a study by the University of Chicago found that married couples have more sex than single people.

#14.) Women are more likely to have sex with a guy if he's a good kisser.

#15.) Guys don't care if you're a little overweight, or if you haven't shaved in a few days. They just want to rub genitals with you. 

(AOL Health)

THE WORST CAR TO HAVE SEX IN IS . . . THE PRIUS:

Last week, AskMen.com released a list of the ten BEST CARS to have SEX in. Take a look at what they came up with: 

#10.) Cadillac CTS Sport Wagon

#9.) Smart ForTwo Passion Cabriolet

#8.) Volvo V70

#7.) BMW X6 M

#6.) Ferrari 612 Scaglietti

#5.) Honda Fit

#4.) Lexus LS 460 L

#3.) Ford Mustang Convertible

#2.) Volkswagen Jetta SportWagen TDI

#1.) Bentley Continental Flying Spur Speed

--And, in response, a website called Jalopnik.com came up with a list of the ten WORST cars to have sex in, based on interior space, ambiance and amenities. Check it out:

#10.) Dodge Caliber

#9.) Smart ForTwo

#8.) Ariel Atom

#7.) Any Mini model

#6.) Maybach 62

#5.) Chevrolet Camaro

#4.) Scion tC

#3.) Mazda Miata

#2.) Chevrolet Aveo

#1.) Toyota Prius 

(Ask Men / Jalopnik)

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A FETISH CALLED "FEEDERISM"???

I was convinced that I'd heard of every sexual fetish out there. But I was wrong. That's because I just heard of a fetish called FEEDERISM. That's when sexual pleasure is gained EXCLUSIVELY from eating and gaining weight.

--But here's the crazy thing about Feederism: It's a sexual fetish that doesn't even include sex . . . at least not necessarily. Let me explain . . .

--There are two types of Feederism:

#1.) The first type involves two people: A feeder and a feedee. Just like the name suggests, the feeder is the one who gives food to the feedee, and encourages her to stuff herself.

--In this situation, the feedee gains sexual pleasure by gorging herself, and the feeder gains pleasure by helping the feedee pack on pounds and watching her eat.

#2.) And the second type of Feederism is a solo act involving just one gainer who packs on the pounds by stuffing her own face.

--Here are a few other Feederism terms you might like to know . . .

--Maintainer: This is a CHUBBY that's sympathetic to the "gaining community" and is happy to be overweight, but is reluctant to put on any more weight.

--Encourager: This person is similar to a feeder, except they don't actually give food to the feedee. The encourager's only job is to offer support to the gainer, in order to help her get as DELICIOUS as possible.
--Appreciator: This is someone who's not interested in gaining or encouraging, but can appreciate the "gains" made by those in the Feederism world.

--Stuffing: This refers to the practice of binge eating until a person's abdomen is distended. Apparently, stuffing causes internal pressure which weighs down on the genitals, and that's supposed to cause arousal. (???)

(--Molest yourself to a video of delicious chubbies stuffing their faces here . . .) 



(Alter Net / Wikipedia)

THREE IN FIVE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN A FRIENDS-WITH-BENEFITS RELATIONSHIP:

If you've ever been in a friends-with-benefits relationship, then I don't have to tell you how fun . . . and complicated . . . the arrangement can be. But, for those of you who've never had the pleasure, here are some friends-with-benefits stats for you to mull over.

--According to a new survey from Wayne State University and Michigan State University, THREE in FIVE Americans have been in a friends-with-benefits relationship.

--Of those people, nearly TWO in THREE . . . or 62% . . . think it's possible for a man and a woman to stay "just friends" while occasionally violating one another's nethers, while 38% think it's absolutely impossible.

--Well, the average friends-with-benefits "couple" knew one another for 14 months before hooking up, and 36% stayed friends even after their sexual relationship ended.

--Meanwhile, about ONE in TEN became a "real" romantic couple.

--And after about six months, roughly ONE in FOUR couples stopped having sex . . . and stopped being friends.

--PROS: Roughly THREE in FOUR people say that they enjoy having sex without commitment, while 69% appreciate having someone around who they can violate regularly.

--And more than ONE in FOUR people say they prefer a friends-with-benefits relationship to a one-night stand.

--CONS: But 35% of people say they hate putting their friendship at risk, while more than FOUR in FIVE worry that they or the other person will develop romantic feelings.

--And, strangely, about 12% say they feel BAD about having sex with a friend. (???)

--Overall, at the time of the survey, about ONE in THREE lucky people were currently involved in a friends-with-benefits situation. 

(Psychology Today)

WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW WHY WOMEN HAVE SEX???

Guys . . . I already know why YOU have sex. It's because you're filthy-minded animals and you can't help yourselves. But it turns out for WOMEN, it's not that simple.

--At least that's according to two psychology professors at the University of Texas. They identified roughly 200 specific reasons why women have sex, and wrote a book about it called "Why Women Have Sex".

--So why do women have sex? Here are a handful of reasons:

--To relieve boredom

--To keep the peace in a relationship

--To cure a headache

--To have a spiritual experience

--To get the husband to help out around the house (--84% of women admit they do this)

--To practice and improve their skills between the sheets

--Out of pity

--For money or other material rewards (--ONE in TEN women admit they've done this)

--For FUN

--And a little further down the list are things like romance and passion

--Meanwhile, according to the authors of "Why Women Have Sex", most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive. But most women DON'T find most men sexually attractive at all. (!!!) 

(Daily Mail)

http://www.amazon.com/Why-Women-Have-Sex-Understanding/dp/0805088342

FOLLOW-UP: THE TEACHER IN FLORIDA WHO WAS FIRED FOR HAVING A SIDE JOB AS A "BIKINI" GIRL IS NOW DOING PORNO:

Last year, 31-year-old Tiffany Shepherd was a biology teacher at Port St. Lucie High School in eastern Florida. But she was fired when her bosses learned she was also working as a "bikini" girl serving drinks on a charter fishing boat.

--Anyway, it seems Tiffany had a tough time finding another full-time job. So she did what all desperate women with a healthy sexual appetite and limited transferable skills do: She started getting nailed on screen in PORNO MOVIES. (!!!)

--Tiffany, whose porno name is Leah Lust, says, quote, "I'm not particularly proud of it. To be honest, I hate it. I'm an educated woman, but I never thought it would come to this. No one gets brought up thinking they'll be a floozy.

--"[But] I need money to raise my three kids. I've tried everything, every avenue. Last year, I refused $10,000 to strip, then I had to pick between paying rent or buying Christmas presents . . .

--So far, Tiffany (slash) Leah has shot five porno flicks, including one deliciously-ironic picture called "My First Sex Teacher".

(New York Daily News / Page 2 Live) 

FIVE TIPS FOR FINDING A QUALITY SEX SHOP

Sex toys are more popular than ever. According to a national survey done by Indiana University, 53% of women admit they've used them . . . and nearly HALF of men have. If YOU'RE in the market for a toy, here are five tips for finding a quality sex shop . . .

1.) LOCATION. Don't go to one in the seedy part of town. And don't go to one around the corner from your parents' house. That's just asking for trouble. If there aren't any good options, just turn on your computer. 

--Online stores offer great deals, and most of them mail everything in plain brown boxes.

2.) REPUTATION. Sex shops rely on customer satisfaction. So check out some reviews online. Websites like Yelp.com list customer reviews and rankings.

3.) CUSTOMER SERVICE. A good sex shop employs people who are friendly, knowledgeable . . . and NOT CREEPY. So, if the guy behind the counter gives off a bad vibe, it's okay to choose another store.

4.) PRICE VS. QUALITY. Everyone likes a deal. But cheap prices sometimes equal cheap quality. On the other hand . . . a sex store that only sells outrageously expensive items is probably ripping you off. So look for a store that offers both.

5.) RETURN POLICY. Yes, this DOES exist. A strict but fair return policy is a good sign your sex shop is on the up and up. But be careful of stores that let you return a product if you tell them you simply didn't like it.

--It's a sign that they might be repackaging used items and selling them again.

(Hitched.com)

A COP IS SUING HIS OWN POLICE DEPARTMENT . . . BECAUSE HIS CO-WORKERS KEPT ASKING TO SEE HIS WIFE'S "PLAYBOY" PICTURES???

Last week, a police officer from Gahanna, Ohio (--just a few miles northeast of Columbus), named Ron Fithen filed a $3.5 MILLION harassment lawsuit against the city of Gahanna and the Gahanna Police Department.

--Back in January of 2008, Ron's wife, Beth, posed for "Playboy", and ever since then his co-workers have been constantly asking him to see Beth's photo spread. (???)

--According to Ron's lawyer, quote, "It just became unbearable for [Ron]. He was repeatedly asked for the issue of 'Playboy'. Ever since his wife posed for 'Playboy', it's just been an unbearable environment for him to be in."

(NBC 4 - Columbus) 

A MATTRESS ACTRESS NAMED SAVANNAH STERN SAYS SHE USED TO MAKE $150,000 A YEAR . . . BUT NOW ONLY MAKES $50,000:

It's no secret that all the free, readily-available smut online is making it much more difficult to turn a profit in the porno business. But we're still talking about SEX here. How bad can things possibly be?

--Well, a MATTRESS ACTRESS named Savannah Stern says that as recently as a year ago, she was working four or five days a week, earning $1,000 for a male-female hardcore scene and, overall, taking in about $150,000 a year.

--But now, Savannah says she's lucky to work one day a week and get $700 for a male-female hardcore scene. Overall, Savannah's yearly salary has dropped to about $50,000.

--Savannah says, quote, "The opportunities in this industry really are disappearing. It's extremely stressful. I wish I would have never gotten into [porno]. When you get used to a certain lifestyle, it's really hard to cut back and realize this may not be forever."

(Los Angeles Times) 

EIGHT BATHROOM ETIQUETTE TIPS

If you've ever shared a bathroom, you know it can be frustrating . . . or downright disgusting.  Even if you're just visiting a friend's place, here are eight bathroom etiquette rules that will keep you from embarrassing yourself . . .

1.) CLOSE THE DOOR.  It might sound obvious, but not everyone does it.  Whether you're in a public or private bathroom, make sure you close the door the entire way.  Whatever you went in there for, no one else needs to see it . . . or hear it.

2.) REPLACE THE ROLL.  There's nothing worse than NEEDING toilet paper and not having it next to you.  So, whenever you notice the roll has less than five or six squares on it, throw it out and grab a new one.

3.) DON'T LINGER.  Some people like to relax in the bathroom.  Meanwhile, someone else is standing outside the door waiting.  It's especially rude if you're using the bathroom at work.

--Just because you have a mandatory 15-minute break DOESN'T mean you should spend it all in one place.

4.) USE THE TOILET BRUSH.  Most people either keep it under the sink, or right next to the toilet.  If the toilet bowl looks anything less than PRISTINE when you're done, grab the brush.  If YOU don't do it, someone ELSE will have to.

5.) LIGHT A MATCH. Contrary to popular belief, it doesn't get RID of the smell . . . it just MASKS it.  But it works.  Air fresheners work too, but they tend to add a fruity accent to the existing smell.  In extreme cases, you might want to use both.

--To look out for your fellow man, you should keep a book of matches in YOUR bathroom.  And make sure they're in plain sight.

6.) USE THE COURTESY FLUSH.  If you KNOW things won't end well, minimize the damage by flushing early.  It might not be environmentally friendly, but sometimes it's necessary.

7.) CLEAN THE SEAT.  Guys, that means you.  If you miss the target, make sure you wipe down the seat for the next person.  It's polite to do it in a public bathroom, but it's absolutely ESSENTIAL if you're at your girlfriend's place.

8.) PLUNGE, IF NECESSARY.  People who don't are the WORST.  It's easy to walk away, and forget it ever happened, but it's INFINITELY more disgusting to plunge for someone ELSE than it is to plunge for yourself.

--And if there isn't a plunger handy, just ask for one.  It's okay.  Everyone needs to use one every now and then.

THERE'S A WEBSITE WHERE YOU CAN RATE THE "HOTNESS" OF TEACHERS WHO VIOLATED THEIR UNDERAGE STUDENTS:

You've heard of that website Hot-or-Not, right? If you haven't, the idea is that insecure losers submit photos of themselves, and then people like you and me rate on a scale of ONE to TEN whether they're "hot" or "not". (--Simple enough, no?)

--Anyway, I just stumbled across a website that's similar to Hot-or-Not, except the people whose photos you rate are all teachers who got busted having ILLEGAL RELATIONS with their underage students. (WBBM News radio 780)

(--Enjoy this curiously addictive website here . . .)

http://www.wbbm780.com/pages/4936841

WOULD YOU BUY YOUR DAUGHTER A DOLL THAT SHE CAN BREASTFEED??? 

This just might be the WORST TOY EVER . . .

--The Berjuan toy company in Spain has introduced a new doll called the Baby Glutton. But the Baby Glutton isn't like any other doll on the market. Oh no. That's because your daughter can actually BREASTFEED the Baby Glutton doll. (???) 



--That's right. Breastfeed it. So how exactly does one breastfeed a doll? Get this . . . 

--Apparently, the Baby Glutton comes with a bra-like halter top for your daughter to wear, which has little plastic flowers over the nipple area.

--When the Baby Glutton doll is lifted to the flowers as if it were breastfeeding, it makes a suckling motion and sound.

--The idea behind the doll is to promote breastfeeding by showing kids that it's a natural thing. (--But let's be honest . . . this thing is way beyond creepy.)

(Digg)

CHECK OUT A SUGGESTIVE NEW BURGER KING AD THAT REFERENCES ORAL FAVORS:

I don't know about you, but when I think of "sexy" . . . I think of Burger King. (???)

--If you don't agree with me, then you obviously haven't seen the ad campaign for Burger King's new Super Seven Incher sandwich . . . which shows a woman with her mouth open in a suggestive way, along with the caption, quote, "It'll BLOW . . . your mind away." 

(Flickr) 

THIS JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST RIDICULOUS PRODUCT EVER . . . THE KUSH SUPPORT:

Ladies . . . are you sick of your enormous CANS flopping around while you're sleeping? If so, you might want to pick up a new product I just heard of . . . called the Kush Support.

--So what exactly is the Kush Support?

--Basically, it's a tube-shaped pad which women can stuff between their breasts . . . in order to hold their knockers in place while they sleep. (???)

--Or, as the product website puts it, quote, "the Kush Support is uniquely designed to fit between the breasts to maintain a more natural shape while resting on your side. 

--"The slip-resistant surface and contoured shape help keep Kush in place as a woman rolls from one side to the other during sleep." 

(Jezebel)

THIS JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST EMASCULATING THING EVER . . . THE "ANGELS KNEE" TOILET PILLOW!!!

Ladies . . . don't you hate it how every time your guy pees . . . he splatters all over the rim of the toilet? Of course you do . . . which is why you're going to love THIS . . .

--Recently, a new product went on sale in Japan . . . called the Angels Knee Pillow . . . which is basically a bench for men to kneel on while they go NUMBER ONE. (???)

--The idea is that if a man kneels in front of the toilet, his whiz has less distance to travel before splashing into the toilet . . . and THAT will reduce the amount of liquid that splatters onto the rim of the bowl.

(--Of course, it also robs men of one of their few inherent joys in life . . . which is the ability to pee standing up.)

--But don't worry, guy. The Angels Knee Pillow is only being sold in Japan . . . for now.

(Inventor Spot)

WORKERS WHO SURF THE INTERNET FOR FUN WHILE ON THE JOB . . . ARE 9% MORE PRODUCTIVE:

The next time your idiot boss catches you messing around on Facebook or YouTube and gets upset . . . you can throw THIS in their face . . .

--According to a new study from the University of Melbourne in Australia, workers who use the Internet for personal reasons at work are 9% MORE productive . . . than those who don't.

--That's right. MORE productive.

--A guy named Brent Coker led the study. He says, quote, "People need to zone out for a bit to get back their concentration.

--"Short and unobtrusive breaks, such as a quick surf of the Internet, enables the mind to rest itself, leading to a higher total net concentration for a day's work, and as a result, increased productivity."

(--That said, if your boss catches you surfing for smut . . . well . . . you're on your own.)

(Yahoo News)

MEN WITH A FULL HEAD OF HAIR ARE FIVE TIMES MORE LIKELY TO GET A DATE . . . THAN BALD GUYS:
Guys . . . if you're losing your hair, then I hate to crush your spirit so early in the morning . . . but I'm going to do it anyway. Are you ready?

--Recently, researchers in Britain wanted to find out how BALDNESS affected a man's ability to pull chicks.

--So they set up two identical profiles on a dating website . . .

--The ONLY difference was that in one of the profile pictures . . . the man had a full head of hair. And in the other . . . he was BALD.

--Anyway, after two months, the profile which featured the guy with a full head of hair had gotten 108 replies from women . . . while the one where he was bald got only 22 replies.

--In other words, guys with a full head of hair are FIVE TIMES more likely to get a date . . . than bald guys. 

(Metro)

(--And now, let me introduce you to 42-year-old Michael Shoemaker of Walkersville, Maryland . . . who was just arrested for threatening to burn down his son's house.)

(--Michael doesn't exactly have a full head of hair but I defy any woman to resist the raw sexuality of what's left of his dazzling mane after seeing this MAGNIFICENT mug shot . . .) 

(Michelle Owen)
A WOMAN SAID HER BOYFRIEND USED HER LAPTOP FOR CHILD PORNOGRAPHY . . . BUT COPS FOUND VIDEO OF HER HAVING SEX WITH A DOG??? UGH!

Some people are perverts. Some people are morons. And then there are some unfortunate souls who are BOTH. Like 24-year-old Michelle Owen of Whiteland, Indiana (--just south of Indianapolis).

--Last week, Michelle became concerned that her unidentified ex-boyfriend had been using her laptop computer . . . to surf for child pornography. So she turned the computer over to the police to have them look for any evidence of wrongdoing.

--But instead of finding what Michelle was hoping they'd uncover, the cops found two videos in the laptop's recycle bin . . . of MICHELLE ENGAGED IN A SEX ACT WITH HER BEAGLE, TOBY . . . which involved PEANUT BUTTER. (!!!) And listen to this . . .

--After the police found the bestiality videos, they asked Michelle if she wanted to withdraw her consent to search the laptop.

--But Michelle said NO because the videos were, quote, "just something she did when she was drunk and [she] barely remembers it" . . . and she still wanted to know if her ex had used her computer to do anything illegal.

--Michelle has been charged with two counts of felony bestiality. If she's convicted, she could get up to SIX YEARS in prison. 

(Smoking Gun / MyFox - Dallas - Fort Worth)

CAN YOU JUDGE A WOMAN'S PERSONALITY . . . BY THE SHAPE OF HER BREASTS??? 

I've never put much faith in people who say they can tell the future by reading tea leaves, or Tarot cards . . . or any kind of "psychic" for that matter. But maybe that's only because I'd never heard of STERNOMANCY before. What's sternomancy?

--Basically, it's a practice that became popular in Spain during the 18th century, which involves predicting a woman's character traits . . . based on the shape of her BREASTS. (!!!)

--That's right: There's a method of fortunetelling where you determine the character of a woman . . . by "reading" the shape of her breasts. Now that I've got your attention . . . here's what a woman's breasts can tell you about her personality . . .

--SIZE: Women with small breasts are faithful to their partner . . . while women with large breasts are optimistic, cheerful and sensual. Large-breasted women can also be creative in bed . . . and they expect the same from their partner.

--NIPPLES: Women with small or inverted nipples are private and reserved . . . while a well-shaped, protruding nipple means a woman is powerful, dominant and prefers being on top in bed.

--SHAPE: The shape of a woman's breasts can tell you all sorts of good stuff about her personality. Here's a look at SEVEN breast shapes . . . and what each one means.

#1.) Fox nose-shaped (--A.K.A. Springboard-shaped): Smart; reserved; lacking ambition; lazy; likely would make a good wife and mother 

#2.) Cherry-shaped (--meaning very small): Sociable; reasonable; easy-going; can make a good partner, but they don't put emphasis on physical intimacy

#3.) Apple-shaped: Hard-working; loyal; frigid; they can be hard to give an orgasm, but will do just about anything to please their man

#4.) Pear-shaped: Lovable; romantic; independent; dim-witted; great in bed; may cheat

#5.) Lemon-shaped: Full of life; critical; prefers peace and quiet; has a ridiculously large sexual repertoire

#6.) Melon-shaped: Likes being admired; loves food; may be a good cook

#7.) Watermelon-shaped: Loves to eat; loves being pampered; flirtatious, but not that interested in sex

--FAKE BREASTS: According to sternomancy, breast augmentation may change a woman's personality by filling her with false confidence. So I think we can all agree that from now on, having fake cans should be referred to as SILICON-FIDENCE. (???)

--But the general consensus is that any woman who's had a boob job probably has mental issues . . . and sex with her would be superficial. In other words, silicone-infused women are fun for a few nights . . . but they're NOT the marrying type. 

(Seduction Labs)

(--Is anyone else trying to use sternomancy to construct their imaginary "ideal woman"? If not, give it a try. It's like Mr. Potato Head . . . only with boobs.)

IS THERE A PENIS PUMP THAT CAN ACTUALLY MAKE YOUR JUNK 33% LONGER? 



Guys . . . if I told you there was a device that could make your junk bigger . . . you'd probably be pretty skeptical. And I wouldn't blame you because, frankly, I'm skeptical myself. But I'm also optimistic. Here's why . . .

--A new study from the University of Turin in Italy has found that a PENILE EXTENDER DEVICE . . . called the Andro-Penis . . . can actually lengthen a man's most intimate of areas by up to 33%.

--And it can improve "erectile function" . . . whatever that means . . . by 36%.

--A guy named Dr. Paolo Gontero led the study. He says, quote, "Our study showed that the [Andro-Penis] device produces an effective and durable lengthening of the penis, both in the flaccid and stretched state.

--"If these results are confirmed by further research, we propose that the device should be used as a first line treatment option for men seeking a penile lengthening procedure."

--But guys . . . before you get too excited, you should know that FIVE of the study's volunteers had to drop out before the trial was finished . . . because they suffered, quote, "pain and penile bruising." (!!!) 

(Sun)

THERE ARE SOME RIDICULOUSLY HOT SEX DOLLS ON THE MARKET:

Let's face it . . . if you're just a regular-looking guy who's not particularly wealthy, then the odds are probably pretty slim that a gorgeous model is going to let you violate her nethers.

--Fortunately, there are some extremely realistic-looking SEX DOLLS on the market . . . which are actually pretty hot. And by "pretty hot" . . . I mean "way hotter than any living, breathing woman you'd ever get".

--The Real Doll . . . which is one of the more famous sex dolls on the market . . . allows you to custom build your ideal "partner" on its website, including your choice of:

--Body type

--Skin, eye, hair and "down-there" hair color

--Facial expression

--And if you'd rather go with one of the Real Doll's competitors . . . there's a sex doll called the AI Doll Evolution which comes with three removable, interchangeable heads. 

--The Real Doll costs $7,000 . . . and the AI Doll Evolution starts at $6,800.

(Standard Madness)

Check out some pictures of these hot, realistic-looking sex dolls...

WANT TO SEE WHAT A PAIR OF 38KKK BREASTS LOOK LIKE???

Now I'd like to take a moment to recognize someone truly spectacular . . . 28-year-old Sheyla Hershey of Houston, Texas.

--Last spring, Sheyla became the proud owner of the world's largest breasts when she went under the knife for the EIGHTH TIME . . . and got a set of 34FFF implants.

--But Sheyla still wasn't satisfied.

--So after learning that Texas law wouldn't allow her to get even bigger implants . . . Sheyla headed down to Brazil and had a NINTH BOOB JOB.

--Now, Sheyla's rocking a massive set of 38KKK breasts.

--Other nonsense about Sheyla:

#1.) Overall, Sheyla's breast implants contain more than a gallon of silicone.

#2.) When Sheyla's loser boyfriend begged her not to get implants again . . . she broke up with him. 

(Huffington Post)

(--Molest yourself to some photos of Sheyla...)



 

DO YOUR KIDS REALLY NEED TO KNOW . . . IN THIS MUCH DETAIL . . WHERE BABIES COME FROM???

I'm all for honesty when it comes to explaining the "birds and the bees" to your kids.

--But I'm pretty sure this children's picture book from Germany . . . which shows in graphic detail EXACTLY where babies come from . . . crosses some kind of line.

(Digg) 


 

A WOMAN FROM WISCONSIN TOLD HER ABUSIVE HUSBAND SHE WANTED TO HAVE ROUGH SEX . . . THEN HIT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A DUMBBELL:

--Last October, 46-year-old Valentina Grenader of New Berlin, Wisconsin (--about 15 miles west of Milwaukee), told her husband, Mark, she wanted to have rough sex . . . so she tied him to the bedpost and blindfolded him.

--Then, when Mark was unable to defend himself, Valentina covered his face with plastic wrap . . . and smashed him over the head three or four times with a dumbbell.

--Now, the details are a little sketchy . . . but what we know is that Mark somehow got loose and made his way to the hospital where he received eight stitches to close his wound.

--Valentina was arrested, and last Friday she was sentenced to FOUR months in prison and FIVE years of probation for substantial battery, strangulation and suffocation. 

(Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel)

BREAKING NEWS!!! 
PETITE-SIZED WOMEN HAVE SEX MORE OFTEN THAN LARGER WOMEN:

--According to the researchers who conducted the study of 3,000 British women, of the women who were a size 8 . . . which translates into a size 4 in America . . . almost 60% had done the dirty in the past week.

--Of the women who were a size 12, which is about a size 8 here in the U.S., 50% had gotten-it-on in the past week. And for size 16 British women . . . meaning American women who are a size 12 . . . about a third had gotten naughty in the previous week.

--Worst of all, more than one in ten people classified as obese have not had sex for a YEAR . . . because they're worried about being seen naked. 

(The Sun / Fashion-411)

THERE'S A WEBSITE THAT HELPS YOU FIND THE PERFECT SEX POSITION:

Would you like to work some new positions into your sexual repertoire? Of course you would. Who wouldn't?

--Well, we tracked down a website which helps you find the perfect sex position . . . based on your height, flexibility, energy level and member size. 

(iVillage)

(--You can find your perfect position here . . .) 

http://choosers.ivillage.com/love/perfect_position/ 

DO GUYS REALLY NOTICE A WOMAN'S HANDS??? 



Last night, I was surfing the Internet looking for dirty pictures of naked, plus-size nurses when I came across an article that identified FOUR things that guys notice in a woman . . . that she might not know about.

--So what are the four things that guys supposedly look for?

#1.) How she treats other people. And not just how she treats people who are "important" . . . but EVERYONE, including your waitress or the valet guy.

#2.) Her hair. This is kind of a no-brainer. Of course guys notice a woman's hair. But the point in the article was that a woman's hair can put a guy in a good mood for the rest of the day. Whatever.

#3.) The little things she notices and points out. Does she have an interesting take on the world? What details does she point out in her everyday surroundings that help you figure out who she really is?

#4.) Her hands. (--Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time I heard one of my friends say, "Check out the HANDS on that one" . . . I'd have, well, no money. Her hands? What's that about?)

(Yahoo Shine)

ONE IN FOUR GUYS WOULD GET THEIR LADY DRUNK OR HIGH JUST TO GET SOME ACTION:

This survey took place in Canada, but since men are pretty much the same everywhere . . . we'll assume the results hold true here in the U.S., too.

--According to a recent survey, TWO in THREE guys think they should be getting action in the bedroom at least a couple times a week . . . and more than HALF say they wish their lady was willing to give it up more often. But there's a problem . . .

--Even though guys want more action . . . they're not willing to work for it.

--Less than ONE in FOUR guys are willing to do more housework or sit through a chick flick . . . even if it guarantees he'll get some . . . and less than ONE in TEN are willing to give their woman an expensive gift or a flattering-but-untrue compliment to get some. (???)

--Overall, 2% of guys say they'd be willing to pay for sexual favors (--which seems a little low, no?) . . . and ONE in FOUR say they'd happily get their partner drunk or high just to increase his chances of having sex.

(Toronto Sun)

 HERE'S A GREAT NEW NAUGHTY NOVELTY . . . THAT YOU CAN KEEP OUT IN THE OPEN: 



I'm not sure who spends their time developing new naughty novelties . . . but whoever it is, I know they're consistently doing good work.

--For example, there's a new sexy toy that has just hit the market . . . called the Sexercise Ball. So what's a Sexercise Ball?

--Basically, it's like one of those inflatable fitness balls that you use for yoga or Pilates . . . only it has a hidden socket where you can screw in any number of phallic attachments.

 (Kasidie)

HERE'S A LIST OF FETISH WEBSITES FOR ALL YOU PERVERTS OUT THERE:

Are you a complete pervert? If so, you should check out this list of fetish websites we found.

 (Kasidie)

(--WARNING!!! There's some sexual content and nudity at this link . . .) 

http://www.kasidie.com/static/magazine/2008/10/weird-fetish-sites.html

THERE'S A DATING WEBSITE THAT'S JUST FOR YOU . . . NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF FREAK YOU ARE:

You know what's great about the Internet? No matter how much of a freak you are . . . there's a dating site out there that's just for you.

--Don't believe me? Check it out . . . 

--Are you plus-sized? Try LargeAndLovely.com:
http://www.largeandlovely.com/ 

--Are you a Trekkie? Try TrekPassions.com:
http://www.trekpassions.com/

--Are you an atheist? Try FreeThinkerMatch.com:
http://www.freethinkermatch.com/

--Are you extremely wealthy? Try MillionaireMatch.com:
http://www.millionairematch.com/ 

--Are you goth? Try GothScene.com: 
http://www.gothscene.com/

--Are you a recovering alcoholic or drug addict? Try SoberKiss.com: 
http://www.soberkiss.com/

--Are you a stoner? Try PotPartner.com: 
http://www.potpartner.com/

--Are you a NASCAR fan? Try MeetMeAtTheRaces.com: 
http://www.meetmeattheraces.com/

--Are you a biker? Try BikerKiss.com: 
http://www.bikerkiss.com/

--Are you a swinger? Try Swingular.com: 
http://www.swingular.com/

--Are you disabled? Try Dating4Disabled.com: 
http://www.dating4disabled.com/

--Are you a socially-awkward nerd? Try Geek2Geek.com: 
http://www.gk2gk.com/

--Are you Wiccan or Pagan? Try Mind-n-Magick.com: 
http://personals.mind-n-magick.com/

--Are you . . . or have you ever been . . . incarcerated? Try InmatePassions.com: 
http://www.inmatepassions.com/

--Do you have Herpes? Try H-Date.com: 
http://www.h-date.com/herpes-dating-links.jsp

--Are you a zombie? Try ZombieHarmony.com: 
http://mingle2.com/zombieharmony/free-dating-sites

(ABC News)

NINE IN TEN WOMEN "CHEAT" TO MAKE THEMSELVES LOOK HOTTER:


Guys . . . have you ever hooked up with a chick who you thought was a total TEN . . . until she got undressed and you realized she was actually more like a SIX or a SEVEN? Well, you aren't alone . . .

--According to a new survey, NINE in TEN women say they "cheat" to appear hotter than they actually are.

--So what are some of the most common ways that women "cheat"?

#1.) Wearing large, tight underpants (--sometimes referred to as Bridget Jones-style underpants) to give the impression of a flatter stomach and a perkier backside.

#2.) Push-up bras.

#3.) Using breast-enhancing "chicken filets" to make their breasts look larger.

#4.) Wearing Vaseline on their eyelids to appear more awake. (???)

#5.) Using hemorrhoid cream under their eyes to get rid of dark circles and bags. (???)

(Daily Telegraph)

HERE ARE FIVE STEPS TO HAVING A GREAT SEX LIFE: 



Last night, I came across an article called "Five Steps to a Great Sex Life" by a so-called "sex expert" . . . named Tracy Cox.

--Anyway, according to Tracy, there are FIVE things you can do to make sure you never get tired of drilling the missus or mister.

#1.) Put it on paper. Basically, get together with your significant other and write down what you like and dislike about your sex life. Then, write down what you'd like more of . . . and any new things that you'd like to try.

--Read your lists to each other . . . and come up with at least FIVE ways to improve your sex lives. Then, gradually try ONE new thing each time you do the dirty.

#2.) Give each other permission to be a perv. When you're just having drunken relations with someone random you picked up at the bar, it's easy to go all out and be as kinky as you like . . . because what do you care what they think of you the next day?

--But when you're in a relationship, and you really DO care what the other person thinks of you . . . some people clam up and become prudes. That's not cool. Basically, you need to confess your fears, and reassure your partner that there'll be no judging going on.

#3.) Don't stop pleasuring yourself. Some people think that once they fall in love, they need to stop gratifying themselves . . . but that's NOT true. In fact, it might be helpful to do it MORE.

--Basically, playing with yourself is a good way to keep your libido hot. And if you can work it into your sex life with your partner . . . more power to you.

#4.) Explore each other's bodies. If you're going to please your partner, you have to know what they like and dislike. Use your fingers and tongue to explore their body . . . in order to figure out where they're most sensitive.

#5.) Teach your man how to please the little man in the row boat. Ladies . . . if you can only climax by playing with your bean, you need to let your guy know . . . and you need to show him how he can help you do it when you're getting it on. 

(Independent)

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